


she wouldn't want this for you

by noodlevault



Category: Entry Point (Video Game)
Genre: yep. angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24475156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlevault/pseuds/noodlevault
Summary: A short one-shot about living normally again.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	she wouldn't want this for you

He couldn't remember how long it had been.

How long since the assassinations, how long since the shadow war, how long since the bombings, how long since he shot his worst enemy in his own home.

His reflection in the pond water mocked him. He looked _normal_. The scars that trailed down his arms from years of fighting were concealed by the sweatshirt he wore. Instead of the leather eyepatch that he fashioned for himself all those years ago, a prosthetic eye was in its place. He had no ammunition vest and no gun on his belt, and he couldn't help feeling _vulnerable_. He constantly felt as if his life was in danger as if an operative from the organization that disappeared a year ago would strike him at any moment. 

He didn't know why he thought he could live life normally. It wasn't an issue of hiding a criminal record or coming up with a fake identity, that could be done easily. The issue was that he forgot what living normally felt like. What was it like, to not think you wouldn't make it to tomorrow? To not purposely distance yourself from comrades so you wouldn't be emotionally crippled after their death?

A small splash in the water brings him back to reality. Beside him, Sofia skips rocks across the surface of the water. She carefully picks the rocks out, tossing another flat rock across the surface. It skips four times before sinking.

A pang of guilt hits Jack suddenly. Why did he rope her into the shadow war? She was a kid, fresh out of boot camp. Jack was sure she had ambitions separate from a life of crime. It was selfish of him to get her involved, just so he had an asset to get his operatives out of trouble. She was almost killed, too. He still remembers flooring it to get to the site of the helicopter crash, dragging her unconscious body out of the wreck, yelling at the other operatives accompanying him to get her medical attention. It was a miracle that she survived, but even then only two weeks later she was back on the field. He still wonders where she would be if it wasn't for his interference. Maybe she'd be a respected member of the air force by now. Maybe she'd be somewhere that wasn't a pond in the middle of nowhere, skipping rocks while she waits for her old man to bring her back home. 

It was pathetic, really.

He couldn't move on. He could never move on. 

He remembers telling the last few Phoenix operatives that it was time to go home after the bombing of the Halcyon base. Many of them had nowhere to go back to. But he turned his back to them, leaving with Sofia in tow in search of a new life. 

He was a terrible person.

No matter what anyone told him, he knew he was an awful human being. He carried the blood of innocents on his hands wherever he went. It was like an ugly stain on a shirt that could never go away, no matter how much you scrubbed it. No matter how much you clawed at it. No matter how many nights of sleep you have lost over it.

Self-loathing wouldn't bring Rose back. Self-loathing wouldn't bring the Freelancer back. Self-loathing wouldn't return the innocent civilians killed in the crossfire back to their families. But he despised himself anyway.

He made many mistakes in his life. He knew he was the one responsible for them. The reflection in the water didn't depict a monster. It didn't depict a murderer. It depicted an everyday old man; a functioning member of society. And that's what he hated about it.

Without thinking, his hand splashed in the water, dissipating the reflection.

Sofia looked over to him. She set down the flat stone she had in her hand gently on the grass, getting up.

"Jack..." Her voice was quiet, barely carried over in the cold, empty air. 

He looked up at her.

"I know you're doing it again." She whispered again.

He looked back down to his reflection. He looked tired and helpless, like a street dog begging for food from a passerby. Sparrow sat down next to him.

"We left the memorial behind for a reason, Jack. But you went ahead decided to make this pond a new one. I know you miss them. I do too. But Rose wouldn't-"

"STOP SAYING ROSE WOULDN'T WANT THIS FOR ME! STOP IT! I HATE THAT PHRASE!"

His sudden yelling took Sofia by surprise. She looked down, now silent. She didn't want to speak anymore.

"Wait, no, I'm so sorry kiddo, I didn't mean to-" His voice cracked, and he covered his mouth. He couldn't control the stubborn tears running down his face, clouding his vision. It was the first time he had cried in ages. But suddenly now, he couldn't suppress it.

He felt arms wrap around him, and he let himself be comforted. It was ironic, really. He was supposed to be the one staying strong for Sofia's sake. But he hasn't been. He hasn't been for a while. They had been living 'normally' for a few months now, but every single day Jack was lifeless. He wasn't present for Sofia. She often had to get him out of bed, make him eat, make him go outside. Without war, he was nothing. A husk of what was once a ruthless assassin. 

"You need to learn how to be human again, Jack. I know it's hard. I know you've spent more time fighting than I have. But at least try, okay? You can't just... leave me like that. I know you're in there somewhere." Sofia murmurs into his ear, head buried in his shoulder, still clutching him and rocking him back and forth ever so slightly.

Jack, for the first time in ages, lets himself be vulnerable. He lets himself be comforted, not pushing her away, or suppressing his tears.

"I'll try for you, alright kiddo? I'll try." He choked out.

"You better. Don't ever shut down like that ever again." Sofia's own voice wavered slightly.

The walk back from the pond was quiet, and Jack knew Sofia wouldn't let him come back to the pond again. Because it was time to move on.


End file.
